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a moment of having it all

It's been almost two months since I wrote in here - two months!  A crazy two months.


Yesterday was my last day of work.  I had a party and cleaned out my desk.  I am officially jobless now - not technically unemployed (which implies looking for work) but removed from the labor market.  I can set my own schedule.  Any money I spend comes from a finite pool of my savings.  There will be no more.  I keep thinking someone will jump out of the woodwork and say "just kidding!" and life will go back to normal, but as my boss pointed out yesterday, that person would have to be me.

In less than two weeks I am moving out of my apartment, that I love.  I am giving up the non-working fireplace and the filtered red light from my curtain.  I am not saying goodbye to San Francisco, yet - I freaked out and bought a plane ticket back for most of July - but when I come back I will be a guest, a floater, a visitor.  I am giving up my residency.  I am packing my books away and giving away or selling my furniture.  If I come back - when I come back? - I will have to begin again.  New bookcases.  New dresser drawers.  I hate transitions but I asked for this one.  No one is forcing me to go but myself.

I am sitting in a tea shop now with my friend and roommate Melissa, drinking strong Russian tea and writing.  It is beautiful outside, and somewhere in the city gay couples are getting married right now, after years of waiting.  The city feels happy and bright and productive.  I want to stay here and do this: sit and drink tea and write with a friend.  But I will go broke if I try to do this for too long.  We pay for the blue skies and the trees and the liberal love.  I can have half of everything I want.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
aznina
Jun. 18th, 2008 05:20 am (UTC)
right on. as soon as you start moving around, there is always going to be something you miss. but it's definitely better than staying home forever.
priceofamemory
Jun. 18th, 2008 06:24 am (UTC)
There's a good chance you mentioned this on one of the many websites, but where are you moving to? And what made you ultimately decide?
bytheriver05
Jun. 18th, 2008 11:59 pm (UTC)
The current plan is to go to New Jersey and live with my grandparents during the election while I volunteer for the Obama campaign and write. That's not until mid August though - until then I am going to be bumming around/having a summer, which is exciting.

It's not a permanent move. After the election in November I'm going to reevaluate. If I really miss SF/writing is not going well/I'm out of money for travel, I will come back. If writing is going well and I'm raring to leave the country, I'll go to Argentina or another country. Or some third option may present itself.

A couple of factors are going on here: first, I didn't want to leave the country until after the election, which is delaying all travel plans until November at least; and second, as the time has approached to leave San Francisco I have been questioning what's really important, and whether it's worth leaving to pursue my art somewhere else when many of the people I care about are here. Plus there's a boy that is confusing things. Stupid boys ;-)
priceofamemory
Jun. 19th, 2008 05:17 am (UTC)
All of those plans sound wonderful. I'm glad you're really taking the time to do something different and also taking a step back to evaluate - and I'm certainly jealous of all the travel!

And now there's a boy?! Girl, you need to keep us updated on things like this!
rugequiz
Apr. 9th, 2011 07:34 am (UTC)
Gosh, I’ve been looking about this specific topic for about an hour, glad i found it in your website!

lanoouzo
Apr. 9th, 2011 07:38 am (UTC)
Hmmm for some reason only half the post can be seen. I tried reloading but still same.

haileyohoq
Nov. 1st, 2011 12:06 am (UTC)
pimples are really annoying, you can kill them using benzoyl peroxide but it will also make your skin red.

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )