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on the verge

My room is slowly disassembling.  (Not really: being stripped of its frippery is a more accurate description.)  In three days, I will get on an airplane and a stranger will start sleeping in my bed.  Only briefly.  One month, even less.  I will only be out of the country for a little over two weeks, which is not so much time if you think about it.  But I'm leaving work for a month.  I'm putting all my odds and ends in boxes to shove into them into the utility closet.  I am preparing to say goodbye to normal life for a little while.

I have been panicking, the last couple days, because I was on the verge of getting sick, sick in a really nasty way that would have made it almost impossible to get on a plane on Saturday.  I didn't realize how much of myself I have hung on this trip until it became endangered: The pieces of me that have been living in London all this time.  The pieces of me that feel right and well only when sitting with Rawaan and Annie, as we gaze at each other in mutual adoration.  The pieces of me that hate going to work every day.  The pieces of me that love watching movies on airplanes. 

The danger seems to have passed.  I am still on a knife's edge, though I think now everything is okay.  And of course, it would be okay anyway.  Even if I had to push my flight back, I would still go.  Even if I didn't go, all of those pieces of me would survive.  They've survived the last year and a half, or longer, and they will keep surviving, waiting for their turn.  But I really do very much hope their turn comes on Saturday.

Work is ridiculous.  I want to say, it will be over soon, I will be gone, but I have a terrible feeling that even though I'll be gone it won't be over, and it will haunt me all through the month of December.  Maybe I am just overwhelmed right now though.  They won't be able to get to me when I am half a world away, unless I let them.

Oh, I finished NaNoWriMo!  Last Sunday.  I reached 50,000 words (plus 90 or so) and have not touched it since.  I have a lot of novel left to go, and I do want to write it, but I haven't had time.  Maybe on the airplane.  Maybe in Rawaan's garden, giggling and smoking shisha and scribbling away.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
hank_stamper
Nov. 30th, 2007 03:40 am (UTC)
You're so cool!
hank_stamper
Nov. 30th, 2007 03:40 am (UTC)
Ah like yo pieces.
(Anonymous)
Dec. 1st, 2007 04:45 am (UTC)
Leaving
You need a vacation! I'm glad you dodged the illness bullet. I'm slowly getting better from my infection.

Someone just emailed the outlines for 8 chapters on eating disorders from 6 different writers. I guess I'm including a unit on ED in the book. It's a bit overwhelming. I estimate 92,000 words, but I only have to write about 20,000 and I have 5 months. Then I have to edit the whole thing. (With help). It's a good thing I like my job better than you like yours!

Have the best trip!
Robin
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )